Just for fun

WHo is The Boss

Ones Captain and Chief Engineer were having the age old argument about who had the tougher job. Each believed they could perform the others duties without a problem. To prove this to each other they decided to swap positions while leaving port the next morning. The next morning the Captain took over the watch from the second engineer after all the machinery had been brought up.
The Chief took over the watch on the bridge from the mate once clear of the dock. It wasn't long before the Captain found things to be going wrong; all the machinery temperatures were rising to dangerous levels.
The Captain quickly called the bridge where the Chief answered.
Captain : Chief, you'd better get
Down here , I'm about to lose all of the machinery!
Chief : Relax Captain, we just ran aground!




















Engineer and A Mate.

Oil soaked shoes all covered with grime;
Polished shoes with a brilliant shine,

Sweated clothes all stained with grease;
Shirt and tie and pants well creased,

Oily scarred and calloused hands
Manicured fingers, looking grand.

Thus they approached the pearly gates,
The Engineer and the Mate.

Saint Peter gazed at this strange sight;
He knew one was wrong, the other was right,

To be sure, he then did look
In his gigantic secret judgment book

Then looking up he said so clear
I'll now pass judgment on the Engineer.

You've sweated blood, you breathed some gas
The scars and bruises and burns still last.

So come my son and take your place
Like a king, in all his grace.

My son you've stood it very well -
You've surely had your share of hell.

The Engineer passed through the gates;
Saint Peter then turned unto the Mate.

You've filled your lungs with cool clean air;
You've known the breezes and the sun up there,

Pushing a pencil, you've traveled in class;
You've been a passenger before the mast.
there isn't a question, yes or no -
Now it's your turn to go below!!


















The seafarer and superstitions

never kill a spider, that's bad luck

• nailing your boots on a plank and throwing overboard, superstitious mariner say that this will bring good luck, i.e. your feet will never leave the deck


• "Juliet" is the only letter not designating a time zone since females are considered ominous
  

With ships the sea was sprinkled

WITH ships the sea was sprinkled far and nigh,

Like stars in heaven, and joyously it showed;

Some lying fast at anchor in the road,

Some veering up and down, one knew not why.

A goodly vessel did I then espy Come like a giant from a haven broad;

And lustily along the bay she strode,

Her tackling rich, and of apparel high.

The ship was nought to me, nor I to her,

Yet I pursued her with a lover's look;

This ship to all the rest did I prefer: When will she turn, and whither?

She will brook No tarrying;

where she comes the winds must stir:

On went she, and due north her journey took.



















Experience pays

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion-dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated: This is where your problem is". The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The engineer responded briefly: One chalk mark: $1.00 Knowing where to put it: $49,999.00. It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.



















MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET

from the "Ideal Deckhand Manual"


Product name: Engineer


Product code: r-u-up-2-69


W.H.M.I.S. classification: lower class if any class at all


Material use: Not much use at all


Health- Generally an unhealthy lot
Flammability- Unfortunately they do not burn very well
Reactivity- Very slow (witted)
Personal protection- Trojan extra heavy duty
Hazardous ingredients: May contain alcohol, amphetamines, barbiturates or any number of psychedelic

drugs Physical data:

Odor- Pungent odor
Odor threshold- Not very long (perish the thought)
Specific gravity- Should sink if secured to an anchor
Density- Yes, they are extremely dense

Reactivity data:

Stability- can become very unstable if asked to think or make a decision
Incompatibility with other lower life forms- No incompatibility(That’s a double negative to any engineers that may be having this read to them)
Conditions of reactivity- Reactions?? Yea right!



Toxicological properties:

Route of entry- You do not want to go there
Irritability- Is a severe irritant
Mutagenicity- May cause heritable genetic damage
Effects of acute exposure- May affect: ability to problem solve, I.Q., common sense. May cause headache and nausea.

First aid measures:

Skin- Wash affected areas with soap and water. Remove Contaminated clothing; if irritation persists, see doctor
Eyes- Look the other way, irritating but does not injure eye tissue
Additional info: The bilge dwellers are a lower fife form that should be avoided.In the days of sail, this was not a problem, life was good.Now we have to put up with them until an unmanned engine room comes along. Oh what a happy day that will be.





















Nandkishore Gitte