Everyday I struggle in living a life without him. From the moment I wake up, I think of him. I miss him. I miss waking up with him at my side and with his arms around me and mine around him. I miss our tender kisses as we exchange good mornings and i love yous. I miss our sweet mushy moments.I usually spend my time day dreaming. I dream of the days that we had together. I dream of the days we will be together again. I dream of the time when we will be both happy and enjoying each other's company, enjoying the bliss of life. I dream of our life together, forever.
Everyday I wait for him. I wait for his call and for his text messages. My heart leaps every time my mobile phone rings, wishing it is him. And most of the times, I am rather disappointed after finding out that it is not from him
I stopped looking at the calendar. It adds agony in my misery to see that it will still be weeks and months before I see him and be in his arms again. I live in a manner of wait and see. Wait for the day to end and see for another bland tomorrow to come. Life is never the same without him here. It is him that I look forward every time I go home, every time I prepare the dinner and every time I end the day with a prayer.
Many a times, I sit in a corner quietly pondering of how diffictul life is without him. I live with only two words guuiding me through: love and trust.
I love him. I love him so much. I vow before God to love and care for him. I love to become a wife that he can be proud of. I love to become the mother who will take care of his children. I love him. There is actually no apt word that can describe of how I treasure him and of how much I love him.
I trust him. Although sometimes my trust crumbles. Please do understand. I am really having a difficult time adjusting in a life I am not really used to. I am having difficulty adjusting in a life of a seafarer's wife. It is difficult. Very difficult indeed. I smile at people although deep inside I am hurting. People see me happy and contented unaware of my everyday struggles of missing him, of not being able to see him and not even to talk with him.
I trust him despite of sometimes I want to give up. I trust him despite of the incredible and horrible stories I've heard from friends and wives of seafarers like him. I trust him and and I would like to trust him more.
I know that he is having a hard time there too. I pray for him. I pray for his safety. I pray for his love. I pray for our lives. I pray for our future. I want to grow old with him. I want to serve him more. I want to laugh with him again. I want to be with him in this journey called life.
He is my strength. He is my rock. In times I am troubled. I seek refuge in him by just thinking of how much he loves me. There I found my confidence again. The world may turn turbulent but I will always feel secure as long as I have him, as long as he loves me.
I pray that he will not change. I pray that he continue loving me. I pray that he will remain the man that I have known, the man I love, the man I cherish and behold. I love him so much. I love him always and forever.
Anonymous
19 Comments:
Silent heartbeats of a seafarers wife is nicely brought out. Well done.
that really helped. my bf has just gone to sea and iv been frantically looking for some kind of description as to how im feeling. you hit the nail on the head. thank you
I truly agree what is said right here..... They are the deep emotional feelings that have been transformed into words ....which is not possible atleast for me to bring through.....
I really miss him & luv him a lot....
The base of our relationship is only TRUST & LOVE.
Alongwth with u all, i wud also like to say,,,
I LUV him a lot ....& will b there 4 him 4 ever & ever......
It was such a relief to read this and i take some comfort in the fact that there are others out there feelig what im feeling. My boyfriend has just returned to sea, its the first time ive had to go through this, and its devastating.....but your words have given me comfort...it sums up what im going through completely.
what a relief,this means i am not the only one in this world to feel the agony of being a seafarer's wife.thanks dear for so beautifully describing the emotions of a woman who loves her husband the most n also misses him the most.my husband has recently went on ship after marriage and it is the most difficult period since then for me.above all odds,i really love him very much n have a faith on him that is very deep and strong.i think this will enable me to spend few more months without him.
Mrs Nidhi Sameer Lall
Tears came in my eyes when i saw my untold love,feelings,loneliness and cries for my husband in this page.
Feeling better after seeing this.I miss him alot
I guess we are just strong women. Sometimes I think how in the world was I able to stand being lonely? Friends are different, husbands and loved ones are something else.I am currently pregnant and he will have to babysit me and not go to sea till the baby is born!yeay! but then of course I have prepared some savings since he wouldn't be getting any while on land...
it's assuring that i'm not alone feeling this way...just to share some comforting words: It is not just me who is sacrificing, but him as well. And if the love is strong, love will lead him back soon enough.
I just married a seafarer and tomorrow he will go. Thank you. I have gained ample courage....possibly. He has being trying to console me. But, letz see how easy will trust and love help my loneliness.
really cried reading your post. was just about to find forums on this one to find someone to talk to. Thanks so much for sharing. I miss my hubby so much too especially that I'm carrying our first child. Your post somehow eased my loneliness. :)
i knew a seafarer about 10years.. i never think that we can meet up few years ago. He'll sms me wherever he goes and whenever he can. I met him once in a year, if lucky then i can meet him twice.. this guy is so special to me.. I love him so much and i never tell him how i feel. I never demand anything in return. I treasured every moment when with him. it's my pleasure to meet a special guy like him, to company him and sms with him in the night when he is lonely, helpless and insomnia. But i just found out last week he was married few years ago and didn't tell me. he told me that he didn't mean to hurt me and sorry because of being selfish but i never blame on him as i believe it's not easy for him to keep the secret for so many years. I told him to go home as frequent as he can, family needs him but he said the schedule is getting more and more pack. it's not easy to go home.. Suddenly I feel how helpless he is. I understand there's something which he can't share with his wife but he needs someone to talk to.. the reason why he can't share with her it's not because of he didn't love her but he didn't want to make her worry. He can't tell her that he work round the clock and didn't sleep for 3days. He can't tell her that his colleague sprained the spine and couldn't walk straight without pain killer. He can't tell her the captain heart attack on the sea, heartbeat above 130bpm for more than 13hours and there's no doctors.. and he can't tell her that his senior died in front of him while the waves hit on the ship. Pls forgive him if he doesn't keep you company when you need him. Pls forgive him when if you found out he tried to hide something from you as he didn't want to make you worry. Be smart, don't pressure him as he lost his life for being a seafarer. Be tough and don't make him worries about you. Just to share with the seafarers wives and apologize if i've done anything to offend you..
WHAT TO SAY AND WHAT NOT...U HAVE SAID ALL WHAT WE FEEL...MY LOVE HAS LEFT ME FOR AN YR IN INDIA AND HE IS ONSAIL NOW..GOING THRU THE MOST DIFFICULT TIME OF MY LIFE...FEELING VERY LONEY AND OUT OF THIS WORLD..JUST WANT HIM BACK..MISSING HIM A TON AND I LOVE HIM MORE THAN EVERYTHING ON EARTH.... TEARS DONT HELP THAT I HAVE REALISED STILL THEY RUN DOWN THE CHICKS AND MAY BE WONT STOP UNLESS MY HUSBAND COMES BACK....
it's ok to cry..but dont be to sad ..i will be wife of the seafarer soon..i understand how its feel..but we must keep strong...dont be sad..always pray to god..we not alone..our husband will always be with us..just be strong...fill your time with some activities..be a wonderfull women to your great husband^v^ if you hapy he also will be happy^v^
Really Heart Touching!!
Hats off to Mohini!!
How she’s surviving w/o you??
I would be completely shattered if I would be required to live a life like this as I don’t have courage to stay away from Pradeep!!
That really needs a gr88 courage!!
But still its fine ....its the matter of bread and butter which the seafarer earns for his family!! He is working for his family only!!
Hey do u hv a blog where a seafarers feelings (away from his are wife) are mentioned??
im going to married to my hubby a mariner, this december oly he had left me here alone, aftreading thiscomments which said my real life which im pasing life here with out him. missing alot, i feel that i couldnt serve him through out his life. waiting for his arrival... as my mobile beeps i wonder whether it may be HIM, but many times disappoints and tears roll down.. i pray god for his love, his better health.im very much proud to be his wife...i like him very much ....love him alot..im have trust him alot, i pray for all god must give courage to us...
DAYS RUNNING THINKING OF HIM, TEARS A CALENDAR WITH TEARS IN EYES HZ LONG IT MAY TAKE..!!
I NEED YOU BACK...SIVA
First of all,thanks for sharing of what you feel and all of other women in relationship with a man who is a seafarer. Each time I read it, deep down I feel touched. Currently I am in a relationship with my this guy. Yes we both still a teenager. Aged range early 20+. I do have my own plan in my life next 5 upcoming years from now. Same goes to him. But for a seafarer, they really want to be onboard for a long time as it accumulate to be the upper level of seafarer. And that is what he was planning out. Sometimes, I really feel like I should make my move out away from him first because I don't want to be hurt later. I am not the type of person that can simply keep 'something' or 'love' so easily. Once I like that thing,I will keep it. Once I treasured that love I will adore it. But it seems like I am really scared if one day he would just ... suddenly change to a guy that don't belong's to me anymore. A new guy that hook up with woman all because of the reason accidentally or can't resists it etc. I am defiantly will be in sorrow for quite a long time by then. Each time I pray, I ask from Him to make me stay with my boy in love, in a good way. It is so complicated to describe what I feel to him. I know,we have to accept the fate but,so much things to do and so little time. Sometimes I really wish if I can look or go to future just so to know he would not change and so do it...All I know, I MUST get my education to the max and if the is no more between me and him at least educated myself will be last forever with me. I adored him and I love him very much. Yes,my family don't encourage me to be with him as he is soon,will be a seafare but as I stated earlier, If Once I Love and Care about that thing, it matters me alots.
HEY U ALL SEAMENS WIFE
HELLO FROM ME ,A SEAMENS WIFE.
THE THINGS WRITTEN HERE R THE SAME WHAT I FEEL WEN MY HUSBAND IS ONBOARD.I JUST FEEL THE SAME.IT MEANS THAT EVERY WIFE OF SEAMEN FEELA THE SAME.MY HUSBAND WILL BE JOINING SHIP IN FEW DAYS FRM NOW.BUT I WANT TO GO WID HIM.BUT MY VISA HAS NOT COME.MAY BE HE WILL LEAVE ME HERE AND GO AGAIN ON SHIP,ITS REALLY HARD.I M GETTING MENTALLY PREPARED FOR THIS.
Really heart touching..I am a seafarer's fiancee. I have been searching for some feelings of a seafarer husband about their wife and family when they are away..but sadly I could not find any. Are they not having the same feelings as we all have for them while they are away???
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