Seafarers Health and Sexuality

Introduction

This blog will consider seafaring and sexual behaviour, both in the context of long-term
and casual sexual relationships. It will go on to discuss the specific health issues raised by
seafarers and their partners, including mental health issues and the effects of traumatic
incidents on well-being.

Intermittent separation and sexual relationships

Sexual intimacy may be considered an important aspect of a couple relationship. However,
an inevitable feature of prolonged separation is the absence of physical contact and sexual
activity between couples. Couples participating in this study were asked about the physical
side of their relationships and their perceptions of the impact of intermittent absence on
sexual behaviour and their own sexual relationship.
The potential problems associated with prolonged separation from a regular sexual partner
are clearly reflected in popular conceptions of seafarers as sexually promiscuous (‘a girl in
every port’) and likely to be involved in commercial sexual encounters. Despite these
popular preconceptions, only a very small number of seafarers reported having either
commercial sexual encounters or extra-marital sexual relationships whilst at sea. Where
commercial sexual encounters were reported, these typically occurred prior to marriage, and
the extra-marital relationships discussed, related to previous, unhappy, marriages. One
seafarer recalled his early days at sea, prior to marriage:

When I first started going to sea it was different we used to go to Hamburg and
everyone was shagging their brains out there, you know, it was the Eurocentre and all
that, and it was brill’, it was great know what I mean. (Senior Officer)

In addition to accounts of their own behaviour, several seafarers interviewed for this study

offered examples of fellow (married) seafarers who had started a new relationship with a
woman met whilst at sea or who had had sexual intercourse or sexual contact with a
prostitute whilst in port. As one seafarer recounted:

It’s his first trip away, goes to a hotel, really nice hotel, four-five star hotel, goes in the
bar picks up a Filipino girl. Takes her to the room, has unprotected sex with her, next
thing he’s got something he don’t want right. He’s lucky it wasn’t HIV right. His first
trip away. He’s my age right, he’s got four kids, comes home to his wife. (Senior
Officer)

In general, however, seafarers were dismissive of the image of seafarers as sexually
promiscuous, noting that they themselves and large numbers of their contemporaries were
monogamous and faithful to their partners at home. Such behaviour of seafarers was
attributed in part to changes in external conditions. It was, for example, recognised that
decreased crew sizes and increased turnaround times had drastically reduced opportunities
for seafarers to go ashore and subsequently to form new sexual relationships. Many
seafarers also made reference to the risks associated with casual sexual encounters, in
particular the advent of AIDs, which made such relationships less attractive options.
Talking about the risk of HIV one seafarer noted:

Nowadays where you know, nobody knows anybody else’s sexual history, if you were to
contract something unpleasant, you know, ‘is it worth it?’, that’s what I think you’ve
got to ask yourself really, ‘would a one night fling be worth jeopardising a happy,
stable relationship for?’ probably not. (Senior Officer)

Transcending these constraints was seafarers’ recognition of the importance of trust to the
success of their relationship: seafarers were reluctant to jeopardise their marriage by being
sexually unfaithful . The general view appeared to be that men
who wished to have extra-marital relationships would do so whatever the nature of their
employment and that seafarers were no more sexually promiscuous than any other
occupational group. As one seafarer commented:

I would say 90 percent of the guys that carry-on when they’re away at sea carry on
when they’re at home anyway, you know. (Senior Officer)

Seafaring and Family Life

Whilst remaining sexually faithful, several seafarers did mention experiencing sexual
frustration associated with long separations from their partners, however, in general, this
was considered an inevitable aspect of the lifestyle and, therefore, one that had to be
accepted. Talking about the lack of sexual contact aboard ship, one senior officer
explained:

It’s easy to think about what’s not there and it just accentuates it, but yes there are
times when obviously I’d like to be home, but I suppose it’s something you just accept
about the situation, you just get on with it. (Senior Officer)

Some reported masturbation as a means of coping with the lack of sexual contact. Others
reported an absence of sexual urges whilst aboard, something they associated with high
workloads and considerable work-related stress.
Upon their return home, the majority of seafarers reported no difficulties in resuming a
sexual relationship with their partner. Indeed some felt the intensity of the physical side of
their relationship could ease the sometimes difficult transition from sea to shore. As two
explained:

It could be difficult [when I first got home] but of course there were other things that
helped ease your passage as well, through that difficult period, you are having a
physical relationship again. And I mean that took all the steam out of me (laughs). I
mean if you’ve been away four to six months, or something like that, and then all of a
sudden it’s marvellous! (Senior Officer)

I think it’s quite easy just get back in just get straight back into it cos it’s, you love
each other like yeah it’s something you want to do. (Junior Officer)

For a small number of others regaining sexual intimacy could take some time. Difficulties
were attributed to work-related stress temporarily affecting sexual function and the loss of
familiarity over the separation period making physical intimacy problematic. As one
commented:

I know it’s a really strange thing to say but we both get quite shy. It takes a while to
become intimate again. (Senior Officer)

Some seafarers with young children also reported reduced satisfaction with their sexual
relationship. However such problems are documented in the general population and
therefore unlikely to be specifically associated with seafaring as an occupation.
Seafarers’ Partners
Seafarers’ wives also experienced long periods without sexual contact. Like their partners,
some women found long periods of abstinence frustrating, although accepted these as
inevitable. As one wife commented:

I miss the physical side of our relationship when my husband is away but what can I
do? I miss that but there is nothing I can do. (Wife of Senior Officer)

Women were aware that they had the potential to have an extra-marital relationship during
their husband’s absence. However all dismissed this as irrelevant to them as they valued
their long-term partnership too highly to put it at risk. Some women with young families
also commented that even should they be interested, their household responsibilities were
such that they would have neither the time nor the energy to pursue a new sexual
relationship.
In contrast to seafarers who often talked about their physical relationship solely in terms of
sexual intercourse, women were more likely to talk about missing physical contact and
intimacy such as ‘hugs and kissing’. As the following quotes illustrate:

Yeah you miss the closeness I think, you miss just, it’s not just about the sex it’s just
having someone to give you a cuddle and a kiss. (Wife of Junior Officer)

I think you do miss that, the fact that your husband not in bed with you and the hugs
and kisses and the obviously the physical side of it, of your relationship. (Wife of
Senior Officer)

Some women were less positive about their sexual relationship with their partner. A
number expressed a disinterest in sex and saw the enforced celibacy associated during their
husbands’ sea time as an advantage of the lifestyle.

It’s quite nice actually! It’s quite nice not having anyone there, giving you know, so
you get a month off. It’s quite nice you can go to bed and be left alone and sleep.
(Wife of Senior Officer)

Other seafarers’ partners reported enjoying the resumption of their sexual relationship upon
the partners’ return home. As one women commented:

Oh it’s simple, yeah very simple you know [to resume our sexual relationship]. I would
say sometimes I wonder if this will ever change because I mean we’re as sexually
active now as we were 20 years ago and we both really do enjoy sex you know. (Wife
of Senior Officer)

However occasionally some women felt their was a conflict between their need for
emotional tenderness and the gradual reestablishment of intimacy and their husband’s desire
for immediate sexual release. As one woman explained:

Yes it can [be a problem] because he comes home and you think ‘oh gosh that’s it for
the next week’ and I’m thinking ‘no I don’t want it to be like that you might as well
sleep with a prostitute if that’s what you want to do. I want to be loved and all the rest
of it’. For him it’s a physical explosion of you know, whereas I want the tenderness,
whereas he wants the physical wam bam thank you. So yeah that does become trying
at times but I think we’re able to sort it out know, we’re aware of give and take a lot
more. (Wife of Senior Officer)

The resumption of sexual intimacy could also be inhibited by other factors. Women
reported that their partners’ tiredness, jet lag and work-related stress could have a negative
impact on their physical relationship. The exhaustion women felt after long periods of
managing family and household alone could hamper sexual relationships, as could the
presence and demands of young children. One women talked about the difficulties she
found resuming a sexual relationship with her husband after he returned from sea. She
said:

You get used to not bothering (laughs). I’m too tired. [….] We don’t bother much
anymore to be honest. But yeah I mean possibly with the children, I mean we went
through phases with the children one or the other of them being there. So you couldn’t,
you had a job to find the time there. […And ] because you’re not together all the time
it, it can, it’s strange then, it can put a strain on that side of things. (Wife of Senior
Officer)

Another two women similarly commented:

I think sort of he comes home after, it’s usually a lot of travelling, so he’s sort of tired
out and catching up on his sleep and then I’m catching up on mine cos he’s getting up
with the baby so. When you have got a baby it’s more difficult cos she’s usually in the
bed between us so . . .. (Wife of Senior Officer)

I think with us, you know, he’s away so much you obviously don’t [have sex] then, and
then when he comes home he’s so involved with the children and that, and they go to
bed so late your just shattered by then you know. (Wife of Junior Officer)

General health

Seafarers’ wives tended to be quite stoic about their health. Many talked about emotional
moods swings and periods of loneliness and depression whilst their partner was at sea.
These were attributed to the increased strains of managing the household in their partners’
absence and physical tiredness. Responses to periods of emotional difficulty were typically
pragmatic and included ‘getting an early night’, ‘meeting with friends’ or ‘eating comfort
food’. Talking about their responses to periods of feeling low, two women commented:

I go to Safeways and get my shopping, you know do yourself a comfort meal like that
and have an early night and then you get over it. (Wife of Junior Officer)

Well, I go out and I talk to my friend. Sometimes we go dancing in discos and I feel all
right then. (Wife of Senior Officer)

None of the women reported visiting their GP for these conditions although one reported
self-medication with homeopathic treatments to deal with her emotional health problems,
which she attributed to her husband’s intermittent absences.

Women with young children reported difficulties coping with personal minor illnesses
during their husband’s absence. As one woman noted, as a seafarers’ wife with young
children ‘you can’t be ill’. She explained:

If you’re sort of curled up in bed then nobody else is here to cook the tea for the kids
and they would just be sat there, hungry. (Wife of Junior Officer)

The need to carry on regardless of their own health problems was suggested to prolong
minor illnesses and impede recovery.
When reflecting on seafaring work patterns and health, women tended to talk about health
in terms of major illnesses or health problems rather than in the context of their day-to-day
well being. Several cited major health incidents such as cancer treatment or pregnancy
complications and talked about the difficulties they experienced managing these when their
partner was absent. At such times women felt they needed the emotional support of their
partner and also the practical assistance in managing the home and childcare responsibilities
during the period of the illness.
The support of the seafarers’ employers in terms of extending leave periods or cutting short
tours of duty in order for the seafarer to be present during family health problems was
something highly valued by both seafarers and their partners. One woman who had
complications during pregnancy recounted the dramatic affect of her husband’s early return
from sea:

When our first daughter was born he was not quite home and I was admitted to
hospital because she was a breech baby anyway and my blood pressure was going up
so they put me on drugs for a week which calmed me down and my blood pressure
went up again so they put me on drugs again and induced the baby and all this sort of
thing and the blood pressure stayed up and they were I think quite worried. Three, four
days later he came home - the blood pressure went down, bonk it stayed down. But it’s
all I suppose bottled up you don’t really have any control over that. (Wife of Senior
Officer)

Seafarers reported considerably more health problems than their partners, health problems
that they directly related to their work and the lifestyle it necessitated. Stress was
overwhelmingly the most common health problem reported by seafarers. High levels of
stress were attributed to changes in working conditions such as reduced crewing levels,
increased commercial pressures, increased administrative duties and generally heavy
workloads. Reported reactions to these high stress levels included problems sleeping,
severe headaches and emotional volatility. As two seafarers explained:

You just...your head just is pounding, or my head pounds like constantly really you
know because there’s just so much to take in, it’s just and they’re screaming...(Junior
Officer)

Stress you live stress, it don’t come you live it basically cos from the time I get on a
plane to the time I step on ship I’m continuously in stress. […] There was the time
where I use to feel really bad, my neck muscles are all tight and it’s just a weird
horrible feeling. But you can only handle so much of that before it kills you. (Senior
Officer)

Whilst attributed to work conditions, several seafarers reported that their experiences of
stress and the associated consequences often extended into their leave periods . Although several seafarers reported high levels of stress, few attempted to reduce their stress level or address the possible causes13. A small number of seafarers reported engaging in physical exercise as a means to combat stress, however the
lack of facilities aboard many ships were seen to inhibit these endeavours. One seafarer
talked about the benefits of exercise to alleviate stress:

I have found that if I’m stressed for whatever particular reason, I’ll go down the gym
and do what I have to do down there and get rid of it, that usually does it, that’s good,
not therapeutic, but gets you into a routine, it’s very easy to condition yourself to do it
on a regular basis, especially if you’ve got someone who shares the same interests as
you. (Senior Officer)

In addition to stress, many seafarers reported difficulties sleeping which they felt reflected irregular and extended working hours and the
need to sleep lightly in order to listen out for alarms.
Possibly reflecting a perceived lack of workplace autonomy for even those in the most senior ranks.
Anxieties about home life whilst at sea could also have severe impact on emotional health.
One seafarer recounted his first marriage and the depression and despair he felt on board to
the extent that he felt suicidal. He recalled how he felt when he was planning to end his
first relationship, he said:

You know it’s, but that was it I could not bear, I mean I use to cry on the ship, I used to
sit there I used to lie there and I used to work out what I was going to say, you know,
when I get home this time I’m going to tell them [my children] I’m going to explain it
and I used to cry on the ship. I knew I couldn’t do it. I was quite suicidal a couple of
times I could have quite easily jumped over the side, on a couple of occasions I was so,
I was so down. (Senior Officer)

Other seafarers cited examples of crewmembers displaying, initially inexplicable, erratic,
volatile and aggressive behaviour that was later found to be the result of relationship
problems at home.
A further potential health problem that emerged from the interviews related to exposure to
and involvement in what could be considered major ‘traumatic events’ such as an ‘abandon
ship’ or the fatal injury of a colleague. In the course of reflecting on their lives at sea
several seafarers gave accounts of incidents that to the shoreside worker would be seen as
disturbing or indeed harrowing. Such events included ‘abandon ship’ situations, tackling
life-threatening fires, and witnessing the death of a shipmate. The traumatic nature of these
events was rarely reported to be acknowledged within the context of the ship in which they
occurred. Indeed it appeared that any conversation regarding such events was limited, and
if incidents were referred to at all, it was usually only in the guise of ‘humour’. The
consequences of such traumatic experiences for seafarers could be considerable. One
seafarer talked about his feelings after a near fatal fire aboard his ship:

As a Mate I was the person sort of in charge of the fire fighting. And, you had to get
people to go down to that engine room. And I was the one who pushed them. And the
reason I ended up in counselling was because I kept getting this feeling that I, I might
have killed someone. (Senior Officer)

He talked about the affect this event had on his behaviour:

I smoked quite heavily at that time. And I had given up for months. I started again.
But I just completely gave up trying to stop at that point. I drank at that time, I was
really stressed, tense, used to drink lots. (Senior Officer)

These experiences could also impact on partners and families as wives struggled to support
their husbands and deal with the consequences of such exposures. Company responses to
such events often appeared to be inadequate if not non-existent. However, where
companies were supportive, this was welcomed by both seafarers and their families.

Nandkishore Gitte

Abstract from: Lost at Sea and Lost at Home:the Predicament ofSeafaring Families:Michelle Thomas

The analysis presented in this publication is the author’s and does not necessarily represent the Seafarers International Research Centre

© Seafarers International Research Centre (SIRC)